toby

I’ll never forget what the first one felt like. I couldn’t breathe, the room was spinning, my hands were numb, my stomach felt like it might burst open, and I was convinced I was dying. Lying on the bathroom floor, I yelled to my husband in the middle of the night, hoping not to wake my two sleeping children. He ran in, and I told him to call 911. I was convinced that something horrible was happening in my body and that I needed immediate medical attention.

From a young age, I knew I wanted a religious life. Though not frum, my family had a strong, proud Jewish identity, so I knew a bit about Torah. I was born with anxiety, back before it was a thing, before doctors were well-versed enough in its symptoms to spot its diverse manifestations. But I sensed that Torah gave life purpose and meaning, making sense of the seemingly random, anxiety-inducing events that so overwhelmed me.