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About Rachel

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So far Rachel has created 44 blog entries.

I Wish I Had Known

My two daughters are three years apart, and they have different mothers. I gave birth to both of them, both births went smoothly, and both girls are perfectly healthy. I had every reason to be happy. That’s why I was so unprepared for what came next.

2024-11-26T18:38:47+00:00November 18th, 2024|Our VOICE|

Dear Husband, I Never Thanked You…

Two and a half years ago our baby girl was born. Can you believe it? She is walking around sassing everyone and telling her big brother what he can and cannot do. The day she was born I remember the look in your eyes; it was the one I had spent all those months hoping for. I knew in that moment that I was no longer the only woman to hold a piece of your heart, and for the rest of our lives I would have to share you with that perfect brown-eyed girl.

2024-10-01T16:42:28+00:00October 1st, 2024|Our VOICE|

Panic Attacks and PTSD: What You Can Learn From My Experience

I’ll never forget what the first one felt like. I couldn’t breathe, the room was spinning, my hands were numb, my stomach felt like it might burst open, and I was convinced I was dying. Lying on the bathroom floor, I yelled to my husband in the middle of the night, hoping not to wake my two sleeping children. He ran in, and I told him to call 911. I was convinced that something horrible was happening in my body and that I needed immediate medical attention.

2024-11-26T18:38:54+00:00September 1st, 2024|Our VOICE|

On Your Mark With Jessica Tsur

From a young age, I knew I wanted a religious life. Though not frum, my family had a strong, proud Jewish identity, so I knew a bit about Torah. I was born with anxiety, back before it was a thing, before doctors were well-versed enough in its symptoms to spot its diverse manifestations. But I sensed that Torah gave life purpose and meaning, making sense of the seemingly random, anxiety-inducing events that so overwhelmed me.

2024-11-26T18:39:03+00:00August 1st, 2024|Our VOICE|

Bitter Pill

I will never forget him. I will never forget the first time I walked into his room during morning report. Every surface was adorned by another bouquet. Wow that’s a lot of flowers! A blonde-haired women — the patient’s wife — slept in the chair next to the bed. I turned to my patient to introduce myself.

2024-07-23T15:17:04+00:00July 23rd, 2024|Our VOICE|

Postpartum Depression

It was as if I were being buried alive, sinking in quicksand, unable to find my way out. That's how I felt after the birth of my sixth child. I was irritable; I cried; I was exhausted, yet had trouble sleeping. Getting through each day seemed nearly impossible. My own children avoided me; my husband tiptoed around me. I was convinced that my family and the world would be better off without me.

2024-07-23T01:05:50+00:00June 1st, 2024|Our VOICE|

Square One

Did you get the medication??? The text is from my husband, his urgency expressed by the three question marks. His timing is perfect because it’s just minutes after the pharmacy delivered it. I hold the small amber-colored vial in my hand, feeling equally relieved and embarrassed. Lexapro, 10 MG. To be taken once daily. I can’t believe I’m back here, in this same humbling and humiliating place. I thought I was done with this. But once again, I’m turning to these tiny white tablets, seeking help for the anxiety that has taken over my life. I sigh deeply, hesitating, not wanting to open it.

2024-06-06T17:56:49+00:00May 5th, 2024|Our VOICE|

Slowly Digging Out of Depression’s Darkness

I am running, running, on the racetrack, trying to get to the finish line so I can finally sit down with my feet up, to enjoy the satisfied pleasure of accomplishment. My feet ache, the sun’s rays are burning, and a headache is forming and gaining strength. I wish that my path wasn’t so long—and that the weather be cooler, that I would be stronger, that the headache would wait until I could sink into oblivion on my cozy bed.

2024-05-29T21:45:33+00:00March 6th, 2024|Uncategorized|

Being Grounded

Once or twice a week I work for a very special organization called NITZA, The Israel Center for Maternal Health. Located in Jerusalem, it provides psychological, physical and emotional support for women with postpartum depression. While I have observed that there are similarities between the women who come to NITZA, there are no concrete rules. A first-time mother is just as likely to come to the clinic as a woman who gave birth to her sixth child.

2024-03-06T17:08:26+00:00January 10th, 2022|Uncategorized|

Coming to Grips with My Anxiety Disorder

I suffer from an anxiety disorder which includes bouts of clinical depression. Although this illness is usually hushed up and kept secret, one in ten people suffer right along with me, each in their self-imposed silence. I share my story with the hope of educating others to understand the dynamics of emotional illness and what it’s like to be caught in its tight grip. Perhaps as a result of my words greater sensitivity and compassion will prevail and others will react to a sufferer’s pain accordingly.

2024-03-06T17:08:53+00:00January 4th, 2021|Our VOICE|
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